These arms of mine lay at my side they reach out unafraid, yet when they’re raised to draw you in, they’re passively delayed.
My fingers trace the silhouette that mirrors you in frame, their cooperation wildly, yet leisurely so tame.
Reach out.
These arms of mine they won’t abide, they yearn to touch, subside.
Imagine sweeping up the wind in the palm of your hand and grasping on to every pearl of sand at your command.
Unsleep yourself.

Sitting safely in my home when grief came knocking at my door. I hesitantly opened it and my heart shattered to the floor.
Like a billion shards of glass, each one cutting deeper still, the day that grief knocked at my door. The day I lost my strength and will.
I cursed it to hell, this feeling I felt! I told it fuck off but it wouldn’t!
It clung to me with iron arms. I tried to break free but I couldn’t.
So here I sat.
I slept.
I woke, learning how to live like this, hopeful that when morning broke it wouldn’t greet me with its kiss.
But there it was the heavy burden that lay on me like the sea.
It was clear that grief had found its knew home here, in me.
It dug its roots deep to my soul. It grew with every tear.
It whispered, “I’m not letting go. You’re stuck with me, my dear!”
I thought if i could ignore it, it would become bored and then it would leave.
But it’s a real stubborn bastard, grief, for it knows I’ll always grieve.

It’s an empty room where the shadows play,
a deafening sound when you quietly pray.
You can be one with the soul or laughter and tears.
You can let it all go and pass through the years.
It’s a hallway of light. It’s the sky in the night, it’s the sea.
It’s the taste of the wine, the crack of a smile, it’s a dream.
It’s the heart in its beat, the ground under feet or the moon.
It’s the song that you sing, it’s in the melody. It’s the tune.
When your’e ready to go and breathe in the scent of the earth.
It’s the moment that comes when the soul enters body at birth.

People searching for tomorrow they’re not living in today
making plans and breaking promises.
Work all day to make a living then they throw it all away
collecting things or fill the void with empty kisses.
Pictures sitting on the bedside of the memories they made but still forgetting ’cause they rush around.
Fancy houses, can’t afford the day to day, racing feet that never touch the ground.
They put on masks because they’re so afraid,
laughing, smiles pretending.
Wash away the make up when they get home
The truth, a stinging slap across the face
because the mirror doesn’t lie even when you look away.
The distortion that you see is in your mind.
The image that you made up so that you can play the game is the devil
and the devil isn’t kind.

With your little hand in mine we walk along. Your mini voice goes on and on.
But I can’t focus on the words you speak.
Pay attention!
I’m lost in the translation of your youth.
I watch the wind brush your hair against your cheek. Your eyes are wide in wonderment.
You ramble on and prance around. The world is vast at your feet.
Pay attention I repeat to myself.
Pay attention to your words and your skin. Pay attention to your sound and your grin.
Yes, my sweet baby the clouds are white and I don’t know why birds fly so high.
But I know I love you.
I know your scent and your tears. I know your laughter and your heart.
I don’t know how though I am so blessed, I don’t know why we chose each other but I’m elated that it’s you that gets to say “that’s my mother.”
You’re beautiful. Remember this.
You’r perfect. Know this.
My prayers ask that you always know that truth and kindness guide you.
My prayers ask that your companion in this life are love and goodness.
It’s daunting me the worry that I have to be your teacher. I pray that you will learn from me compassion and forgiveness.
I witness your growth every moment. Such a gift to me.
Pay attention! Pay attention!
Time is fleeting.

When my children ask me how I know God exists, I say only God can do something like this.
God made the stars and the moon and the sun. I know he exists ’cause he made everyone.
And only God can do something like this. I know that it’s true because love exists.
God made the grass and the trees and the birds.
God made our mouths and he gave us our words.
He gave us our hearts and our brains and our souls.
God gave us rain and after, rainbows.
That’s how I know God truly exists because only God can do something like this.
You know how I know that all this is true?
Because only God could have given me you.

Visions on my mind that I don’t comprehend.
Changes in my life, that I don’t understand and I don’t have a plan.
It’s cold outside. It feels cold inside too.
And I’m missing you.
Go about the day with my smile on.
Bullshit conversations, just to get along.
Trying to fit in, trapped inside my skin.
And it’s dark outside. It’s dark inside too.
And I’m missing you.
Faces all look strange to me, even those I’ve seen before, even those I’ve known for years.
I keep fighting back the tears.
Don’t know why I want to cry.
It’s a bitter wind outside. It’s bitter inside too.
And I’m missing you.

Go down to the water, leave your sorrows on the shore, when the tides come rollin’ in and you can feel it wash your skin, close your eyes and know the reason you were born.
In the morning when you rise, rise up with the sun, if you’re too tired and need to sleep, rest your body in the light, know it’s gonna be alright.
‘Cause everybody has a reason even if you don’t know why. Life will tolerate the seasons but everybody has to die.
When you feel like you are restless and heartache has become your friend and anguish is now not a stranger and you’re somewhere you have never been, go down to the water, write your troubles in the sand, wait until the wind is on you and the waves come crashing in.
Rise up in the early morning when the sun is set to wake and take yourself down to the water and let the light fill up your life and if you need close your eyes tightly because you need to take it in, then know the moment you were born and know that this is not the end.
In the latest hour of the night as you lay down with the day, ask your God how he has chosen which ones will go, which ones will stay?
Listen to the quiet stillness and let your breathe with it be one and in that moment listen closely and God will come and God will come.
So when you’re feeling lost and nowhere, lay your body in the stream, free your body and in that moment…be.
Take your vacancy along and lay it down beside you there and as the water rushes on you let it fill your space and air.
‘Cause everybody has a reason even if you don’t know why. Life will tolerate the seasons but everybody has to die.

I don’t want to live or die without you, be the tombstone on my grave.
Be the sunshine on my day.
Be the map that guides my way.
I love you.
You, in your awkward pretty way with your crooked thinking, simple but so brave
be my reflection, be the tombstone on my grave.
I love you.
Your arms that wrap around me, enclose and keep me safe.
Your distorted thoughts accompany my way,
an understanding without words, without anything I say.
You make sense to me. I’m your slave and you’re my slave,
be the tombstone on my grave.
My protector and deliverance, you’ve captured me. I’m saved.
I don’t want to die without you, be the tombstone on my grave.

I remember when we were so young but I was always so much younger and looking up at you, looking up to you. You’ve always been right here, never far from me and life was always easy even when it wasn’t easy and sometimes it wasn’t easy but you helped me to get through. It was always you.
Perhaps I learned things I shouldn’t have but I did under your wing. I noticed everything and my thanks goes to you ’cause you were beautiful, to me. Maybe you didn’t know, maybe you did. I don’t know but because of you, life’s been beautiful because you’re beautiful.
Sibling rivalry has no meaning to me. I don’t understand because you always held my hand, never letting go. I thank you from my soul. I thank you from my soul.
I remember how you used to show me things you may not realize that it was always done with care and loving eyes. I payed attention to your words, they were so wise, to me. It meant the world to me.
I thank you from my soul because you’re so beautiful.
Our memories are different, this is from my point of view as I watched the goings on from a corner in the room. I couldn’t help but see and absorb the truth the only way I knew and I fell in love with you. I grew in love with you from the corner in the room as I watched from the distance. How could anyone resist this, the endurance and persistence?
You were so beautiful and I thank you from my soul. I thank you from my soul.
Time has led us here and you’ve never left my side, not even in the miles, consistency abides. I may never find the words to relay all that I feel but I know love is real because you showed me true and in everything you’ve done, in everything you do.
Sibling rivalry means nothing to me. I thank you from my soul because you’re beautiful. Because you’re beautiful.